I Find Myself In You
by KamikazeKoiji
Summary: Set just before Series Three began. Haley comes back from her rock tour and hopes to reconciliate with Nathan. They will end up together, but how long will it take? And will their realtionship survive what life throws at them? Story better than summary!
1. Missing You?

**Find Myself In You.**

**Chapter One;** Missing You.

_Haley's POV_

A friend once told me that every song ends, but that wasn't any reason not to enjoy the music. It was only when the song was good and over that I realised I didn't enjoy it, not without him. It's frustrating; I was currently sat in a car headed back home. I couldn't wait, I mean in a few short hours, I'd be with all the people I loved again, and everything would hopefully be normal again. But the thing that I want to be normal more than anything else in the world might never be normal again. And its all my fault for running off like I did. I just hoped he'd have had a change of mind over the time I'd been gone. I'd tried contacting him, but he never replied. He'd come to one of my shows, and then left. I just hoped that he'd be open for some sort of reconciliation. The landscape outside the car was growing ever more familiar, and I could feel my heart skipping a beat as the thought of seeing my husband again filled my mind.

My parents were out of town, which was just typical of them, so I was headed to Lucas' house. Being responsible old me, I'd rang ahead to tell him I was coming home so hopefully they'd have kept it low key. I didn't want to cause a riot. Not that anyone would want to riot over me, but you know what I mean. I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I just wanted to get back to normal; to be tutor girl again, and to be with Nathan.

A song I knew all too well came onto the radio. To be honest, I hadn't really been paying attention to what was on the radio as I had been staring out of the window for the past half hour without realising, the scenery flashing past in a blur. Some of it just flashing by, other bits of it making sense. My voice filled the car. "And when the stars go blue…"

"Can you turn this over please?" I asked the driver, not wanting to remind myself of what had happened the last time I'd played this song in Tree Hill.

"Sure thing Mrs Scott." He replied cheerfully, flicking a knob on the dashboard. As the other channel tuned itself in, an interview came on. I sighed to myself and went back to staring out of the window. I heard a tune play somewhere, and realised that it was my phone going off. I pulled it out of my pocket and flipped it up, not bothering to check the number.

"Hello?"

"Hales! Hey! How are you?" The voice that filtered down the phone wasn't the one that my heart longed for, but it was the one of my best friend, and that was enough to put me in a good mood.

"Oh my gosh, Luke!" I laughed, the sound almost overpowering the radio. "It's great to hear from you! I'm great thanks! And you? How are things in Tree Hill?" I hadn't spoken to Lucas in ages. It felt good to hear his voice again.

"I'm good too, hey, listen, how far away from Tree Hill are you now?" He asked, in a rather hushed manner if I do say so myself. As if he was trying to keep something from me.

"I don't know, I've seen a couple of signs, but I haven't really been paying attention…"

"That's ok. Well I'm sorry, but I have to go now, I just need to finish up some stuff before you get here. Hales, it's been great to hear from you, I'll see you soon. And look after yourself!" Click.

That was probably the most cryptic, weird phone call I have ever received from that boy. I shut the phone again, and stuck it in my bag, feeling rather sullen that the conversation hadn't gone on for longer.

"Everything ok Mrs Scott?" Tyler, my driver, wanted to know.

"Yeah, thanks. I'm just a little confused. It'll be okay, its just Lucas." I replied, trying to make a joke of it. He nodded, and laughed to himself. He probably thought I was being an idiot.

I went back to staring out of the window, attempting to spot some sign of home. It wasn't long before the sign saying welcome to Tree Hill popped into my line of vision. I smiled.

After months, I was finally home.

* * *

_Nathan's POV_

A friend once told me that every song ends, but that wasn't any reason not to enjoy the music. I'll admit, I really didn't have much idea of what she was on about. Metaphors and all that sort of thing confuse me. It wasn't until recently that I actually realised what she meant. The past few months seemed a little blurry to me, as if it wasn't me that was living my life. I guess it was because Haley wasn't with me. That's what sucks the most. I still love her. And I miss her.

But it doesn't stop what she did hurting me.

I sighed as I made my way along the street towards my aunt's café. Lucas was throwing some sort of party for someone, and said I should get my butt down here to check it out. All I can say is, it better be good. He had also said something about wearing something nice, and trying to be happy. Hey, I was happy. When I was having fun. And when don't I wear something nice? God, doesn't that sound vain?

As I turned round the street corner, I caught a glimpse of some flashy car driving by. I suspected it was one of my Dad's customers, seeing as he's got himself into the car dealing business. Rolling my eyes, I pushed the door to Karen's Café open and stepped inside. It was empty and deadly silent. Odd.

Not for long though. Suddenly I was being yelled at and jumped at.

"SURPRISE!!" They yelled.

"Wait, wait! It's Nathan, not her! False alarm!" Lucas' voice rose above the rest of the chatter in the room. My eyes looked about and clocked him towards the back of the café standing by Peyton.

"Lucas, what the hell?" I asked, rather confused. Who were they supposed to be surprising? Out of the small group that was gathered in the café, I noticed that Karen wasn't there. "Who's supposed to be getting the crap scared out of them?"

"Don't worry Nate, it doesn't matter." The people who'd jumped out at me went and grabbed the biggest table in the place and started talking amongst themselves. I was still kinda confused. I mean, why is there a surprise party? And why don't I know the person who's being surprised? I walked over to where Lucas was standing, now with his arm around Peyton's waist.

"So, whose party is this?" I asked once I'd sat down on a stool.

"Now that would be telling, wouldn't it. Where's the surprise in that for you?" Lucas said, mimicking a sarcastic tone. Peyton giggled at that, and added;

"Don't worry Nathan, you'll be pleasantly surprised."

I didn't want to believe her. So I turned to the counter and asked if I could help myself to the little buffet thing they had laid out. It was then that I realised who this party was for. Karen came out of the back room with a big banner in her hands. I could see quite plainly the words; 'Welcome Back,' and then the way she had it folded over her arms hid the last word from me. So it was someone who'd been away? My first thought was Brooke, who was in New Zealand or something. Or it could have been Peyton's Mum, Ellie. But why would she be throwing a party for her? Last thing I heard, she hated her. My brain failed to think of the person who was closest to my heart.

Auntie Karen had just about put the banner up as the bells on the door rang. I turned to see who it was, as 'Surprise!' had been yelled out again. I hadn't bothered to look at the name on the banner. And there she was, stood on the doorstep, looking as beautiful as she had the last time I saw her. But the recognition soon turned to some angry emotion that I might have described as betrayal. I looked at her, I must have been glaring, 'cause as out eyes met, her face lit up, and then fell again, and quickly turned to Lucas and spat out;

"Pleasantly?! Pleasantly surprised?!?"

* * *

_Haley's POV_

I smiled to myself again as we passed the sign on the way into Tree Hill; 'Welcome to Tree Hill, Home of the Tree Hill Ravens'

I was finally home!

Only a few minutes now and I'd be with them again… I couldn't help but wonder if he'd be there. Nah, if –as I'd hoped- Luke had kept this low key, he probably wouldn't be. The car got ever closer to where I'd arranged to meet them; Karen's Café, my heart soared. I was here. At last! And I was here to stay this time.

I couldn't help but smile as we got further and further into Tree Hill. We passed the turn off to the café and I saw a tall figure making it's way down the street. I squinted through the window, trying to see who it was, but we'd already passed him. Tyler turned the car again, and we stopped.

"Thanks Tyler!" I said as I handed him some money. "I'll see you sometime." He grinned.

"Aw, you're welcome Mrs Scott. I hope you have a good time now you're back home." He said, shaking my hand.

"Thanks again!" I said as I got out of the car and grabbed my suitcase from the boot. "See you!" I called as I walked back towards the café. I sighed happily to myself, my pace increasing. I was eager to be reunited with my friends.

I could see that there was quite a few people in the café, and that was good! Business must be good for Karen. I took a deep breath and exhaled again before I pushed open the door. The familiar jingle of the bells on the door entered my ears, followed by choruses of 'Surprise!' I stopped dead in the doorway.

The people who I'd missed so much over the past few months were all here. A hand flew to my mouth I was that shocked.

"Oh my God, thank you guys!" I screamed, my eyes scanning the room for that certain someone. I spotted him at the back of the room, near Lucas. I mouthed to Luke 'Your so dead!' and then my gaze settled on the guy who I'd thought of every day. He turned to Luke and said something to him. He looked sort of disgusted. I felt my face fall, a sad put on smile on my face now.

_Shit, I forgot how beautiful he is._

* * *

_Nathan's POV_

How could he? He knows the situation is between me a Hales. He knows, and yet he went against it.

God, I've missed her though. I mean it's been hard but she can't just waltz back in here like nothing happened. How selfish is that? I chanced another look at her, her face seemed broken, crumpled and sad. It hurt me to see her like that, and it made me feel even worse that I was the reason that she was looking that way.

_Shit, I forgot how beautiful she is._

* * *

**_Well, that's the first chapter up! Please Read and Review, I would like to know what you lot think of it. Also, if you're taking the time to read this, thank-you so much! I love you for it!! _**

**_Also, I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Mark Schwahn and The WB. _**

**_Only the text is copyright of me =3 _**

**_THANKS FOR READING!! [insert heart]_**


	2. Here Comes A Regular

**Chapter 2;** Here Comes A Regular

_Nathan's POV_

"Nathan, look, don't be like this!" Lucas hissed at me as I sat facing the counter, determined not to look at her.

"Be like what Luke? I think I have a right, don't you?" As much as I wanted to walk over there and swoop her up into my arms and carry her out back to our old apartment, my pride was telling me not to. I grabbed the glass of coke I'd ordered and gulped it down.

"Nate. Just go talk to her, You'll feel better, I know it." Lucas asked, a tone in his voice that sounded like he was pleading with me. I slammed the glass down, and turned to look for her. When I turned back to face Luke, he had the beginnings of a smile forming on his face.

"You know what I went through when she left. I, I… I don't want to." I muttered, turning back round in my seat and started staring intently at the counter. From the corner of my eye I saw Luke stiffen slightly, curious as to why, I lifted my head. "What's up Luke?"

"Hey you guys, long time no speak."

No. Just no. I let my head fall slightly to the counter again and a sigh escaped my lips.

"Hey Hales! It's great to see you again!" Lucas said. I saw him get up off his seat, presumably to go give her a hug.

"Surprised, Hales?" I heard Peyton ask, laughing lightly.

A thought struck me, if I wanted to stay friends with Haley, was there much point in me acting weird and agitated around her? I straightened myself up, and turned around to face her.

"A bit! But you're still dead, Luke. I didn't want to be made a fuss of. I think I told you that! You know I hate surprises!" She said, laughing. God, I'd missed her laugh. Her hazel eyes flickered to me.

"Ah, I suppose I had that coming?" Lucas joked, pretending to run away. My gaze settled on her eyes, almost immediately pulling away again. There was an uncomfortable feeling growing in my stomach, and I didn't want to talk.

"Go on Nate, aren't you gonna say hello to your wife?" Peyton asked. I glared at her. I did want things to work with Haley, but I just couldn't see that happening so soon. Especially as she'd just got back, and I'd just got used to her not being here. The pain had only just begun to numb itself.

"So, Chris outside with the rest of the bags?" I asked sourly. I know I shouldn't have, but I did.

"Nathan, I'm sorry, I hope you know that. Chris means nothing to me, absolutely nothing! I hope you know that too. I could never do that to you Nate!" I cringed at her words, feeling guilty. I didn't want her to be grovelling to me. "I love you Nate, and I hated not being able to tell you that everyday…" I felt slightly broken at that, like she'd wrenched up the feelings I'd spent so long burying over the months she'd been gone. Which, well, to be honest, she had. "…I just hope you can forgive me." She babbled, a nervous habit of hers I knew all too well.

"That's what sucks the most Hales." I said, avoiding her eyes. My gaze fell to the floor. "I still do love you." I mumbled, getting up off my seat. "I'm sorry Haley. I can't do this." I started walking towards the door, only slightly aware that there was someone following me.

"Nathan, wait!" Haley called, running across the café to get to me. "Nathan, please!"

"What Haley?" I asked, turning around. I took a moment to look at her, she looked torn, and her face unsure of what I was going to say next. "I'd rather not at the moment if it's all the same with you." I said sounding slightly strained.

"Well, can we at least talk sometime soon?" She pleaded, her voice sounding like she was gonna cry soon. I hated doing that to her.

"Soon Hales. I just don't think I can do it right now." I said, pushing the door open and stepping out of it. "I'll see you around sometime?" I asked. I didn't want to leave her in this state.

"I guess…" She said, frowning. "I'm not going anywhere this time Nate… I'll make sure to be here for you… From… from now on…" Her voice broke on my name, and the tears slowly made their way down her face.

"Haley." I said. We were stood outside the café now, and the streets were deserted. "Haley, look, don't cry, please?" I asked, pulling her into a hug. I realised what I had done after a few seconds of breathing in her sweet scent, and a voice told me to let go. But I held on. "Hales, I'm glad you're back, but it hurts, you know? I don't know whether I'm ready to be us again just yet, okay?" I said, putting my index finger under her chin and lifting her face up to mine. "Hey, cheer up okay?" I said, smiling slightly at her.

"Oh Nathan…" She breathed, pulling her face back down, resting her head on my chest. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" She muttered.

"Haley, it's ok." I whispered. Deep down it wasn't. The pain was still there. I'd missed her so much. "All we need is some time, promise." I whispered again, trying my best to stop her crying. It killed me to see her like this, and it hurt just that little bit more to know it was because of me being me that had made her like that. She looked up at me a smiled back. God, I'd missed her smile too…

"Thanks Nathan." She said, tears still escaping her eyes. I released my arms from around her, and she took a step back, wiping her eyes. "Hey, will you come in again? Just to talk? Please Nate?" She asked, a hopeful look in her eyes.

"Aw, uh…" I said, not knowing what I should say. "Maybe not this time, eh Hales?" I said, a sheepish look crossing my face.

"Please?" She practically begged. I looked into her eyes again and sighed. I didn't want to hurt her anymore.

"Ok, but just for a few minutes. I've got things to do…"

"Great!" She beamed, wiping her eyes once and turning to go into the café. I sighed again, and reluctantly followed her inside.

* * *

_Haley's POV_

I felt strangely optimistic as I walked back into the café, apart from Nathan following behind me like a thundercloud. I wanted to turn around and say to him that if he didn't want to come back in with me, then he didn't have to, but something said not to do it.

"Haley, are you ok?" Lucas and Peyton came running up to me, probably noticing my eyes were a little red from crying. I smiled slightly at them, knowing I wouldn't truly be ok again until me and Nathan made things up. Well, I guess a hug and a few kind words are a step towards what we used to be.

"I'm fine, don't worry!" I assured them, and carried on walking to the counter. Once I'd sat down, I turned to see what Nathan was doing, he took a seat on the opposite side of Peyton, and didn't look my way until he announced that he was going to leave about fifteen minutes later. Luke and Peyton said goodbye to him, as I looked hopefully up at the ceiling, wondering if he'd say anything to me.

"See you soon then Haley?" He asked, looking awkward.

"Of course!" I replied, my face lighting up.

"Oh yeah, Luke, are we still on for that game at the River Court later?" He asked. I didn't pay too much attention to what he responded with, I was sat at the counter all 'lustfully day dreamy' according to Peyton. I didn't care. I was just running it over in my head again. He'd said there was hope, and he'd comforted me. I sighed blissfully.

"So little Miss Rock-star, are you going to tell us what exactly happened when you followed Mr Broody Basketball Star out there?" Peyton asked, grinning at me. I grinned back at her and delivered my response.

"Well, I'm not really too sure of what happened…" I mumbled, not wanting to sound clingy and or showy off-y.

"Haley James-Scott!" Peyton insisted, looking at me with an eager grin.

"We just talked. Only I burst into tears, which was something which I was really trying my best not to do, and then he hugged me, and told me he wasn't ready to be us again yet, but he did say that all we needed was time, and we should wait it out 'cause it was gonna get better, and I want it to get better, I really do, but I don't want to hurt him again, I can't do that, its bad enough this whole thing is my fault in the first place and…" I babbled, it was my nervous habit. Nathan had perfected a way to shut me up… But I doubt with the current state of affairs that he'd kiss me to stop me babbling.

"Whoa, Hales, slow down a bit," Lucas said grabbing my arm. I took a deep breath and sighed again. "That's it, so let me get this straight, there's hope for Naley in the future?" He asked, using the nickname that Brooke had declared upon us. Naley was Haley and Nathan mixed together, it was just typical of Brooke to come up with something like that, she had also done it for almost every couple we knew… "Well, is there?" Lucas' voice brought me back from my thoughts. I guess I must have been not paying attention for longer than it felt.

"I hope so Luke…" I whispered, twiddling my thumbs.

"Haley, that's awesome!" Peyton added, getting up from her seat to hug me. I smiled and thanked her. She then went and sat on Lucas' knee. I looked at them, confused.

"Wait, am I missing something?" I asked, grinning. "Are you two going out? 'Cause it seems like you're going out!" I laughed, looking at them.

"Well, how'd you miss that one?" Lucas asked sarcastically, but smiling all the same.

"I don't know how I could have possibly have missed that detail before now!" I said, peals of laughter escaping me. Lucas and Peyton joined in, it was like a little laughing triangle, I laughed and looked at Lucas, Lucas laughed and looked at Peyton, Peyton laughed and looked at me… Ect. "Gosh, I feel so out of touch, there's so much going on, and I don't know about any of it." I said when the giggles subsided.

"Aw, don't worry Haley, you'll catch up on all the local gossip soon. Besides, Brooke will be coming back off holiday in a soon, so you won't be the only one slightly out of touch." Peyton joked, cowering into Lucas' chest as I pretended to smack her.

"Well, it's true Hales," Lucas laughed as I pretended to slap him too.

After a while Luke told us that he was off to play down by the River Court. He said goodbye to Peyton and I, and we were left at Karen's Café. I went with Peyton to speak with some of the people who surprised me, and then we both headed back to her house, she had said I could crash there until further notice. For the first time in a while, I felt like me again, but something was still missing. That something being Nathan.

* * *

_Nathan's POV_

"Aw come on Luke, you can do better than that!" I yelled as I slam-dunked another basket.

"You bet your ass I can." He laughed, stealing the ball from me and scoring.

"You know you only scored that 'cause I let you." I said, smirking.

"What ever you say little brother." He replied, grabbing the ball and scoring again. "You know I can beat you, but you just don't want to admit it." We both laughed, and started heading over to the picnic bench where we'd left our bags. I grabbed my water from my bag and took a couple of swigs. "So, what's the situation with you and Haley now?" He asked, clearly looking as if he was going to pass this information onto Hales herself.

"Ah, I don't know." I said simply, swinging my leg over the bench and sitting down. "Stuff, I guess…"

"Nate, this is you and Haley. Since when has there ever been 'stuff'?" Lucas asked, laughing gently.

"I don't know, since she left and broke my heart I guess." I muttered, trying to make it clear that I wasn't in the mood to talk about it. Lucas knew what I wanted and stopped.

"So, ready for round two?" He asked cheerfully.

"You're on!" I said, shoving my water back into my bag and practically jumping out of my seat. We played for about twenty minutes without the topic resurfacing, but when it did, I told Luke a little about it.

"Go on Nate, I know there's something bugging you, let it out." Lucas told me, in a comforting way.

"I don't know." I shrugged, not incredibly keen to keep on this subject.

"Nate, what ever happens, you know I'll be there for you right? And that what ever it is you need to sort out with Hales, I'm sure it'll come with time. Just forgive her man, you know she loves you more than anything."

"That's just it though," I whispered, looking my brother in the eye. "She just got back. I don't know if I'm ready to accept her right now and make everything the way it used to be. Hell, I just got used to the hole she left in my life, and now she's back trying to repair it. I don't know Luke, it just seems a little too soon for me to move on." I explained, twiddling my thumbs towards the end of the speech.

"Nathan, I can understand wanting to take it slow, but please, don't give up on her. She needs you." I just nodded, I couldn't think of another response that would be good to say. Lucas was right; in time I would forgive her, but was it too soon? He continued; "So you want to be with Haley, but you'd want some time to figure out where your heads at first?"

"Yeah, kinda." I murmured, knowing he was right.

"Nate, although at first I always thought you were an arrogant idiot, you've really proved me wrong since you've been with Haley." Lucas smiled, looking for my gaze to meet his.

"Thanks Luke, I guess that means a lot… Somewhere." I replied jokingly. After a while I felt like saying something else. "I want to get back to normal," I said, frowning. "But it's hard getting back in the ring, especially with the person that knocked you out in the first place." I looked up at him again then, expecting some other comment, but nothing came for a while.

"Follow your heart little brother." He said, sounding a little like our uncle Keith. "What ever it tells you to do in the end, I know you'll be happy." We played for about another half hour before we decided to make for home.

I realised as I was walking home that I felt happy today, like I used to. For the first time in a while, I felt like me again, but something was still missing. That something being Haley.

* * *

**Thanks to everyone who's taking their time to read this, and special thanks to the people who wrote reviews! I love you for it! =D I forgot to mention in my first chapter note that this is my first ff, you wonderful writers have inspired me to write one of my own, and here's the result xD Anyhoo, I'm a lazy bum who can't be bothered to edit that into Chapter one, so here it is =3**

**Now I'm babbling x3 Thanks to everyone who reads this, feedback is apprciated =3**

**Please tell me what you think of the story, I promise they'll get longer if I know that people want more xD**


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